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I found The Dictionary in an antique bookstore. Not _A_ Dictionary. _The_ Dictionary. The one that prescriptivists keep banging on about.
How do I know? I took a pencil and wrote a definition for “irregardless” into it, and thereafter no one complained about the word again.
My job now is to write every new word I hear into The Dictionary. Today, I’m finally making “fetch” happen.
(For those too old, too young, or too out of touch with US TV culture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pubd-spHN-0)