Funkpirata @Funkpirata@chinwag.org

You know when you're expecting a text from someone and you get one and check your phone but not only is it not from who you want but the person it's from makes it slightly more disappointing? Like you're hoping for a text from a lover and you check it and it's your mum... Or you hope it's something important and it's your phone provider letting you know they're upgrading the network. There has to be a word for this. I'm sure the Germans have a word for it.

I tried to quit smoking today. Made it to 11:30am. My boss is such a good man. He drove me to the shop to buy smokes and gave me a payrise. I don't have many people in my life, but those I have are solid gold.

Holy shit.... That was so bad.... That was so, so bad. I'm in awe at just how terrible that movie was. It's an achievement just in itself.

#work

please.... halp

Wayne's World - I'm Having a Good Time
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0jRll2f4UU

So I came home from work today exhausted, and the little one has had a bad day. There was bad sloppy shit all down the hallway, and she was messy too. So I've cleaned up a lot of poo in my time, and I can deal with these situations. Cleaned floor. Cleaned dog. Reassured upset dog. Then I went to get changed and found she had spent the day on my bed. There is shit smeared on my pillow cases, sheets, quilt cover. So now I'm spending the night soaking and washing bedding. Happy Monday.

#Monday

Butterfingers - I Love Work
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GckYJ7vhtv8

I hope one day the dog buys herself expensive sheets. I'm gonna roll all over them and cover them in muddy footprints. Then I'll wag my stupid little tail at her and take zero responsibility.

Worst. Dog. Ever.

Yet another confusing headfuck of a night. It was the niceness of it, the fact that it worked so well. There are so many shifting boundaries, walls behind walls, ego and fear and old trauma. Will won't, is isn't, can can't. Want, not sure, want, don't want, want now but not later, want maybe but not now. Don't change yourself, don't fucking hold space for me, I can hold my own space.... Stop trying to take responsibility. I don't want some sacrificial gift of your heart. I want YOU. As you are.

AND the local Thai restaurant just lost all credibility. Maybe I'll go to the poxy fish n chip shop instead :-/

The thing I appreciate most about walking here at this time is the fireflies hovering about by the swampy canals. I've never lived somewhere with fireflies. I remember spending Christmas up on the tablelands maybe 15 years ago. I slept on a big bed on the deck with a big mosquito net around it. I awoke late at night to see many fireflies all around my bed. It was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. I had forgotten about that until recently.

Goals for today

Survive work
- check
Do domestic shit.
- processing
Eat some kind of food
- biscuits are food right?
Quit smoking
- lol
Take dog for walk
- FINE I'll go okay? Stop wagging your stupid little tail at me!

And a beautiful old melaleuca saved by the council. The owner was such an arrogant dick. He immediately started bullshitting that we were only pruning overhanging branches. Then started bullshitting us that it's due to a traditional owner complaint. I'm on the trees side.

And this kids is why you always walk a river crossing before driving it. Even the flash V8 landcruiser (not pictured) got stuck on a rock and bent a tie rod.

It's recently come to my attention that I talk like a massive derro. I'm not even sure how this has happened. It must have been slowly over time. I'm actually quite well educated, perfectly capable of proper enunciation. I listen to myself speak and it doesn't sound right. I tend to say "nah" instead of "no". I'm attempting to correct it but it's taking an alarming amount of energy. I'm feeling very uncomfortable about the situation. I need to recraft myself somehow. Wtf.

The dinner conundrum again. Having to feed yourself every bloody day is way too much responsibility.

The people we worked for the last 2 days are super rich. Like very rich. The guy I work with, they gave him a flash bottle of plonk. He mentioned I don't drink, they gave me a 200mL can of sprite. I love my life.