We had a border collie in the last couple of days. The second I felt his coat it was REALLY oily and full of matted fur. The extraordinary extent of the matting became clear when we bathed him. Only reasonable option would be to shave him. We did our best but we are not groomers and literally don't have the time.

When his person came to get him today, he turned out to be a well known and respected veterinary surgeon. I managed to hold my tongue. Perhaps I shouldn't have. People are monsters.

If I make it through today without punching someone in the face it'll be a miracle.

Now that's a strange ad... I wonder if I should take the quiz?

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha hah! (Gross) 

Woman Hospitalized For Three Days After A Dog Pooped In Her Mouth | IFLScience
iflscience.com/woman-hospitali

Working for a living 

I might just quit my job. I'll get fired spectacularly by telling some customers what I really think of them... I'll go on the dole, move into the tolga caravan park.... Drink boxed wine... Annoy the shit out of everybody with a $10 uke. It's all coming together.

You know that old wasted guy in the park rocking out to a battery powered radio? I absolutely understand how he got there. He just got sick of all the bullshit.

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Working for a living 

This is so shit. Thoughts and prayers to fellow travellers stuck in the endless grind. There has got to be a better way.

They have been threatening to suspend my account for 6 months now. I wish they would follow through and stop sending me emails. Current and future likelihood of settlement of the $0.19 owing is effectively zero.

Planet Terror 

The best part was when she had a gun for a leg. The worst part was when the dog died (who's fucking idea was that?)

Coldbiting methods certainly have changed. If you're sick and need to get on (sorry "need to pick up pregnant wife who's car has broken down in the middle of nowhere"), I'll see what I can do. If you need a bottle of port to not have a seizure, I've got your back.

But if you approach me saying "Do you have any spare notes?" Or simply yell at me "hey brother, hey brother, TEN DOLLARS!?!" you can go fuck yourself. What do I look like a fucking ATM? I know the game, but this is just obnoxious.

Funkpirata boosted

#2676 Historical Dates 

Evidence suggests the 1899 transactions occurred as part of a global event centered around a deity associated with the lotus flower.
xkcd.com/2676/

This is truly awful. I feel as if someone is rubbing gravel in my eye. The only thing that relieves it is flushing with saline... And that lasts roughly 14 seconds. I think I need to remove the eye. It's the only reasonable option.

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Medical, kinda gross 

Putting ointment in your eye really REALLY sucks. I really feel for the old dogs who I do it to daily. But the worst part, as I've just discovered is that sneaky passage from your eye to your throat via the nose. My apple tastes like eye ointment. Like I can't even sit back and eat my feelings because they taste like bitter sickness.

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Recording Music 

I can play the piece perfectly. Laying down in awkward positions without thinking about it. The fucking nanosecond I hit record I can't play for shit. It's infuriating. It makes me so mad haha

Went to the doctor this morning with an infected eye. Now on oral antibiotics and antibiotic cream. I'm literally heartbroken I'm having to hang out at home playing guitar in the nude. Poverty sucks though. Oh well. Better not miss public holiday pay.

My local doctor surgery is such a nice place. I rocked up 30 minutes before they open without an appointment and the practice manager made me coffee and got me in first. Others were turned away with a 3 week wait. Onya Jan. Bloody legend she is.

Shamelessly ripping off chord progressions from Stevie Ray Vaughan

Rookie errors while attempting to cook dinner

1. Sat down
2. Looked at social media
3. Opened packet of sugar coated peanuts

I just don't know if I can get back on track from here

Finally made it out to west mulgrave. Trek and a half and well worth it. Next mission - east mulgrave.

It's somewhat counterintuitive, but car hire seems to get cheaper the closer to the date you book. Like in the same time the cost of flights doubles, the cost of car hire halves. I was looking at the same sites several weeks ago and the cheapest option was > $1000.

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Chinwag Social

Consider this a friendly, local pub. Make yourself at home, bring your friends, have a good time! Meet new people, have a laugh, enjoy the ambience, and the Oxford commas.